


Sunshine Boy

by coconutcluster



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: But whatever, M/M, Side Prinxiety - Freeform, but its there, like theres barely any guys, logicality - Freeform, platonic or romantic, this is a lil bit of a vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-09 17:19:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15272448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coconutcluster/pseuds/coconutcluster
Summary: Being the therapist of the group has never bothered Patton, not in and of itself - but even balls of sunshine have their breaking points.





	Sunshine Boy

**Author's Note:**

> This was half a vent-fic and half a cooldown because I've been super stressed lately, so it's very likely that this sucks. I'm sorry in advance.

  There was a specific feeling you got after knowing you helped someone.

  Patton couldn’t  _ really  _ describe it, not in a way that made other people feel it - not like how Roman could describe things, for sure - but he tried his best to explain it to himself when he thought about it: it was tingly, from the tip of his nose to his fingertips, like Pop Rocks inside him, and it made him feel like anything he touched would brim with the same buzz of life. It made him smile when he wasn’t thinking about it; he’d zone out, fly away on a daydream (Roman wasn’t the only one who got those), and when he fell back to reality, he’d feel the grin on his face, glowing and comforting. It made the room brighter, too! (He didn’t actually know if that was true, but it definitely seemed like it.)

  But most importantly, it was  _ warm _ . It blossomed in his chest and rippled through the rest of him like the heat wave from an oven right after you bake a cake, and it left him humming the rest of the day. Patton just loved it. 

  And he loved helping people! He knew that, he felt that every day! He loved to help his friends, and he wanted to help his family (famILY) whenever he could - not just because of the feeling he got, of course, although it was a wonderful benefit, but because he loved  _ them _ . He wanted to be there for them when they needed it most, and he was happy to do it.

  So he didn’t exactly know why he felt like he would be sick at any moment.

  “He just completely ignored me!” Roman’s piercing whine prodded at Patton’s haze as the fanciful side tossed himself on the foot of his bed, a hand on his forehead like a telenovela star. He let out an elongated groan of frustration that seemed to hover in the otherwise soft silence of Patton’s room.

  “Oh, I’m sure he didn’t mean to, kiddo,” Patton soothed, shifting to Roman’s side and carding his fingers through the prince’s hair; Roman peeked through his fingers up at the fatherly side, and he slowly lowered his hand. “Maybe he just… didn’t hear you!” 

  Roman squeezed his eyes shut again as he turned onto his side to drop his head in Patton’s lap.

  “I didn’t mean to be rude,” he insisted quietly, leaning into Patton’s touch. “I simply wanted to know if he was doing anything, and perhaps it came out a bit wrong.”

  Patton hummed in response, a smile tugging at his lips as he said, “Maybe calling him an emo dork wasn’t the best approach to that, yeah.”

  “I call him names all the time! I didn’t think it would bother him that much!”

  “Well, did you think that maybe he’s upset ‘cause he likes you, too?” Patton managed as he held back a laugh - it nearly escaped anyway as Roman completely froze, and his face turned bright red. 

  “Do you think so?” he asked, although his voice was so far away that Patton hardly believed he expected an answer. “Oh, my, what… what if I messed up my only chance? What if that was the one moment Virgil was ready to accept a date proposal and I completely blew it- my one fleeting chance, already  _ gone  _ to the cruel monsoon of love?” Roman covered his face, and cried out, “Oh, Patton, what have I  _ done _ ?”

  “Kiddo.” Roman looked again through his fingers at him. “I’m sure you’re fine! Just make sure you apologize, and tell him what you really meant, and it’ll go great after all!”

  The prince dropped his arms, head cocked to the side and eyes tracing the air before he nodded slowly. “Alright. Alright, I can do that.” A smile burst out across his face, and he bolted up, nearly headbutting Patton in the nose. “What about flowers? Or maybe a collage! Or-”

  “Ro, try to keep it simple,” Patton interrupted before Roman could launch into another admittedly-slightly-just-a- _ little _ -bit misguided monologue. “You know Virge gets embarrassed easily; just be sincere!” Roman’s face fell, and Patton rushed to correct himself, “Though maybe one flower wouldn’t hurt!”

  The grin was back. “Yes!” The creative side was up in an instant, already charging for the door - Patton wanted to giggle, but a hollowness just carved itself into his stomach as he watched.

  “Oh, I actually…” he trailed off; Roman paused, still bouncing on his toes, a hand on the doorknob and eyebrows raised. “I was just wondering if maybe we could talk? If I could talk, I mean- just, some stuff…” 

  His shoulders fell as the prince just glanced out into the hallway with a distracted “Sure.” 

  “Nevermind, actually! I can work through it,” Patton said instead, his voice devoid of his characteristic energy, and yes, maybe a part of him hoped Roman would notice and understand and just take a minute to ask “are you okay?” and then Patton would be able to paste on a smile and say “yeah! Go have fun!” and be sad later by himself without feeling ignored or forgotten, and he’d know it was all on him, that it was his problem to work through. 

  But Roman just nodded and zoomed into the hallway without another word.

  And Patton was left alone on the edge of his bed, his hands still hovering slightly in the air, a feeling very unlike the warmth he was used to after helping someone bleeding from his chest and into his limbs; his face felt hot as he stood and fixed his sheets in short, jerky motions, his mind crawling away from the task.

  He was  _ annoyed _ . He was frustrated and upset and angry and a lot of things that he didn’t like feeling, especially not towards his family, but he felt them nonetheless and that made him even more upset. 

  It wasn’t really their fault they didn’t do anything, was it? Patton didn’t really come right out and say, “I’m sad!” Why would he? That would just make them sad, and that was the last thing he wanted, so of course he mostly kept that to himself. That part didn’t bother him, not really; Logan preached a lot about the importance of communications, and though Patton readily agreed and made himself clear on his availability should the other sides ever need to vent, he felt deep down that it didn’t really apply to  _ him _ . He was fine consoling himself when he needed to!

 What bothered him was that they didn’t even  _ try _ . Yes, he could work through most feelings on his own - feelings were his job, for Pete’s sake! - but… he couldn’t recall the last time they asked if he was okay, or how he was at all, for that matter. How hard was it to notice a fake smile? 

_ Stop, _ he chided himself suddenly, his hands freezing around the blanket beneath them.  _ You shouldn’t blame them. Maybe they  _ can’t  _ notice stuff like that- maybe you’re just really good at seeing it!  _

  He couldn’t force a smile onto his face.

  He shouldn’t be frustrated. He knew that, of course he knew that - it was selfish to fixate on his own feelings when the others had problems, too - but he just wanted to be  _ cared  _ about, to be supported in the same way he supported them!

  Was that too much to ask?

  His fingers curled around the comforter as he yanked it into place, and he chewed on the inside of his cheek, blinking quickly as pressure built up behind his eyes.

  His door swung open. “Patton, I need-” 

  Logan’s voice came to a halt as he saw Patton hunched over the edge of his bed, his head bowed and fists curled around his yellow blanket; the fatherly side didn’t bother to straighten up, to wipe at his face, to greet him like nothing was wrong because something  _ was  _ wrong and he was getting so, so frustrated with acting otherwise.

  “Patton?” Logan said after a moment. He tilted his head to scan Patton’s face and body language, shuffling forward a few steps when the room remained silent. “Are you alright?”

  And Patton  _ laughed _ ; it was bitter, tinny - a dark parody of the fatherly side’s joyful giggles. “Do you care?”

  “...I beg your pardon?”

  The air was heavy as the two stood in silence, pierced only by Patton’s half-choked sniffle as Logan’s discomfort practically radiated through the room; Patton was just relieved to know the logical side acknowledged the feelings present. He stood straight and turned to Logan - his eyes were tired, his mouth a sad line as he shook his head gently as if to clear it. “I’m sorry,” he started, sitting on the edge of his mattress. “I shouldn’t… I didn’t mean to snap at you. I’m sorry.”

  Logan watched him with wide eyes. “There looks to be a bigger problem here,” he said slowly; Patton just stared at his hands folded in his lap, and Logan sighed, striding the rest of the distance to the bed and lowering himself onto the mattress beside Morality. “Would you like to tell me what’s going on?”

  Patton didn’t respond at first, chewing on his lip. “I would love to,” he said finally - it came out a whisper, an exhale more than words. “But you wouldn’t have asked me before, would you?”

  “Before what?”

  “Before just now,” Patton snapped, but Logan didn’t move, just knit his brow, prompting the fatherly side to explain. “You wouldn’t have asked if I hadn’t made it so blatant that you couldn’t ignore it.”

  Logan stayed silent. 

  “I know you guys aren’t the ‘feelings’,” Patton continued hesitantly, hugging his arms around himself, “but I just… I thought it was kinda a courtesy to ask people h-how they are and if they’re okay when they seem sad, and I know maybe it’s a little dramatic, but I do act sad sometimes- I  _ am  _ sad sometimes! I try so hard to help you guys whenever you need it- and I don’t do it and expect a reward or anything- but it- I just-” He hiccupped as the first tear rolled down his freckled face, his eyes glistening. “You guys don’t even  _ try  _ and I’m so sorry if that’s mean but-”

  “Patton.”

  Patton stopped mid-sentence, his gaze snapping to Logan’s through a wall of unshed tears.

  “I don’t thoroughly understand what’s happening right now,” Logan said - Patton frowned, but he wasn’t finished. “But you’re upset… because we never ask you if you’re upset?”

  “I-” The fatherly side froze and dropped his head into his hands, a small whine escaping through his fingers. “Oh, that sounds so babyish, doesn’t it?”

  “No, no! That’s not what I was implying at all,” Logan rushed to correct himself, “it’s just- that seems quite simple.”

  “I thought so,” Patton whispered. Logan tilted his head at him, and he rushed to wipe the tears from his face and straighten up again. “Sorry.”

  “You have nothing to apologize for, Patton.”

  “I didn’t mean to say that you guys are mean or careless or anything,” Patton blurted. “I really appreciate you guys, and I love helping you! I like being there for you and knowing you guys trust me, and I’m glad to be trusted. It’s just that I can get…  _ down  _ sometimes, and I guess it would be nice to have someone I can talk to, too, and I know that’s selfish because you guys have to deal with stuff on your own sometimes-”

  “It’s not selfish,” Logan said so suddenly that Patton jumped in his spot. “I’m sorry- it’s not selfish to want to be listened to, Patton. You deserve a reciprocation of your support, and to think any less is simply delusional and I can assure you that it will take a toll on your health.” He paused, glancing at Patton’s tear-stained face. “Perhaps it already has.” Taking a deep breath, the logical side held out one arm and said, “I can’t speak for Roman and Virgil, but I… I’m  _ sorry _ , Patton. Quite often, you’ve given off a rather sunshiney disposition, and I don’t always understand how to approach emotional situations- that’s no excuse, of course, but I hope you can forgive me.”

   Patton’s eyes fell to Logan’s outstretched arm, a puzzled look in his gaze until he seemed to understand; a giggle escaped his chest through the tears as he scooted closer to the logical side, leaning into his side - Logan did his best to imitate the hugs he watched Patton and Virgil share so often as he wrapped the arm around him. 

  “Is this alright?” he asked after a moment, his voice small.

  Patton took a breath - Logan smelled surprisingly like vanilla - and let his eyes close, sinking into the comforting touch, awkward as it was.

  “This is perfect.”


End file.
